College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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