Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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