For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
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He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
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Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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