hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize