You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
