I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
