doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
