my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
