ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize