i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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