My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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