I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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