nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
