I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
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I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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