He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
