I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
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So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Please don't give away my fajitas
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