I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
