these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
