I feel great
I just peed on a car
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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