from now on my penis is your penis
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Randomize
