What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
