You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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