after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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