white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
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Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
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There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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