She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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