mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
