PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
