My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
