So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
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I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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