How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
