My nipple is on Facebook.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
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