Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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