mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
