Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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