Are we in a gay sports bar?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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