Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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