i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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