beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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