Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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