My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
