What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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