I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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