Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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