Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
