Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
