Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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