This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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