I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
