lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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