Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
