she looked like the before picture.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
