you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
