woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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