I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the condom got lost in my hair
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
