I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
