I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
