we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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