why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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