i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
