so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
