Tell her she can't have a vagina
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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