It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
