I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
