Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
