Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
