I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
