apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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