Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
