The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
