i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
