If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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