Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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