She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
