I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
