the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
ugly people sure do ruin things
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
