You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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