This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
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I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
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We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i believe in u and ur pee
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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