fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize