trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i've created a new STD.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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